Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
