she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
