so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize