the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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