My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
