Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
PANTIES FOUND
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