Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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