too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
