I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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