Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
