Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
