On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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