i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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