I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
