I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize