dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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