i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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