Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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