p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
