Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
