Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
