you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
sex in a hospital.. check
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
