Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
