that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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