tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
