i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
