This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
