My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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