take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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