i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
