I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
