Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
