my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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