The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize