apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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