i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
