I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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