Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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