shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
