In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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