i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
