yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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