you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
