You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
