i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
