New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
