Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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