i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
