saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
pray to the hookup gods
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
