i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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