thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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