Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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