I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
