I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
