you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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