can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
