Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize