Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
