do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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