Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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