Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
