i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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