hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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