If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
