Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
