Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We just shotgunned beers for America
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize