I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
