woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
