I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
