there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
