i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
