Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
