Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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