with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
