My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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