We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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