I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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