dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
should my penis look like a turkey
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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