I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
