the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
