Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
