i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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